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Fake deep 🤔 or not 🤷🏾‍♀️

I experience it – the struggle to just say “I’m alive”. I feel the pain in it too because at the back of my head, I scream “do better than just be alive”. But for now, that’s really the benchmark – being alive.

I struggle with my thoughts – knowing I’m much more but having nothing to show for it. It breaks my heart, sometimes literally because I feel the pain come like a stab. Other times? Ahh I know because the tears drop and they taste sad, leaning towards bland.

I yearn for happy because I’m tired of being just there. You see, in being just there I’m more inclined to sad; for me these are blurred lines. So more often than not, I fake smiles because habit comes from repetitive actions.

I tasted happy, just barely and can tell you for certain it’s different. It was somewhat recognisable, a distant memory…
As I said, barely so my description may be inaccurate but I’ll try. It tastes like finally finishing this piece.

xoxo
Your favourite girl

Year end 

Coming into 2017 we agreed to “DO IT AFRAID” and in as much as I’d love to confidently tell you I did this, I did not. “Do it afraid” is a phrase I felt we tackle 2017 with, afterall what’s the actual worst that can happen right? But I wasn’t really doing anything afraid because I knew that I had God.

There’s this peace that the knowledge of God brings, just knowing that He’s got you no matter what goes wrong and I can promise you it’s beautiful.
For the blog, this year hasn’t been great in terms of putting up posts because of lack of planning and I sincerely apologize. I’m not someone who makes plans generally and it’s been working out fine because I wasn’t really up to much but making plans and sticking to them sure makes everything a little better. This is to promise that next year will definitely be better.

I’m thankful to God for 2017, for family, friends and you.

To end the year, I’ll post something I wrote that I love so much and I want to stay thank you for sticking with me and here’s to 2018. Let’s do this again but wayyyy better.

NEITHER FRIEND NOR LOVER

Death has an odour
Neither the stench of a cadaver
nor the aroma of fresh coffee
But the smell of memories,
Lingering,
just enough to prompt affections.

The dead sometimes wait around
For reasons yet unknown
At times in love,
Other times, … I can only guess.
The dead sometimes linger
Shortly after they journey,
Long after they’ve been buried.

I know because Ekpo emerged,
First drifting in my thoughts
Then lurking behind shadows.
Our first real meeting
transpired in my dreams
I remember his hands beckoning
and hesitantly I ran.

A part of me he is/was
Neither friend nor lover, a relation.
His visitation envisaged –
I’d been told by mourners
but asudden –
I thought he’d give me time
The only explanation for my action

We journeyed together
A length of time
Not just as siblings but a pair.
Ekpo emerged to tell the story
Of his demise, why he had to run off
He emerged with words of comfort
For only he knew
How well to console me

Diana M

See y’all next year and hope you too had a lovely 2017. I love you and thanks for having me *curtsy out*

xoxo your favourite girl.

Check in…

The entire week while everyone talked about hanging out with friends, seeing movies and doing everything non academic for the holiday, my thoughts have been on purchasing new reads.
I took a break from exam hassle yesterday and decided to feed my eyes on a read, which I did in a couple of hours. I kept trying to decide whether the book was that great or I had been book-starved.

Oh hey guys, guess who has resurfaced on the blogosphere…
Yeah you guessed right, ME!

You all, I’m sure by now will roll your eyes at my excuse or apology so I decided to bring a peace offering in the form of a post. I could go on saying how sorry I am and what not but that’s just going to make this post longer than I intend to.
It’s been an interesting year for me and I hope for you too. I have learnt some more things about me and also narrowed down my career path and I’m so excited. I’ve figured out what makes me happy and what doesn’t; what I enjoy spending my time on and everything in between and I’ve come to the conclusion that 2017 is my year (it’s not over yet). To be honest I didn’t know what to this year was going to hold and I was open for surprises and so far, I have been pleasantly surprised.

God has been wonderful and I cannot count how many times He’s showed up. The testimonies he’s given me this year leave me with an open mouth and I’m all too ready for more before the new year.

I want to say a big thank you for sticking with me and for being wonderful readers. I love you all so much and …

xoxo your favorite girl,
Diana
M

New beginnings 

“Don’t be afraid to start again”

This phrase/sentence has been on my mind since yesterday and I thought it necessary to write about it. Also, it’s the first day of a new month and this topic fits in 😉.

Happy New month to you my wonderful and patient readers. It’s been a long time I graced this blogosphere and yes I missed you/it more than you/it missed me.
I also keep being reminded by my conscience that I’m doing a bad job here and need to sit up and do better. Afterall, as I read somewhere on Twitter, “Time will always be created for what’s important to you”. So yes I will do better ☺

It takes a lot to unlearn things, give up old habits and leave an environment you’re used to, and I salute those who are able to take that “leap of faith”.
A couple of years ago, I was stuck and didn’t have a luxury of options to choose from. Now I think about it, I’m not sure I had options, I had to create the options myself. My situation then forced me to think of other things I could do and it took a while before that decision was made.
It was a decision to do something else or keep doing what I was doing till I finally figured it out and I was ready to keep at it. It took me getting tired of stagnation to start again, not just starting again but start again with something else.

I was at a low which made starting anew/afresh even harder but I want to tell y’all that it’s been a wonderful experience for me and I’m glad I could start again.

Today’s post it just to tell you all that it’s okay to start again and I know that it’s scary as hell but what exactly isn’t scary? I just want to ease you into it and tell you that everything looks scary on the outside but trust that it gets better.
This isn’t to say that whatever isn’t working out should be abandoned, no. Keep at it and if you’re convicted in your heart that it’s only right to start again, do so.

Also, it’s never too late to start again, to learn new things, to unlearn old things, move to a new location or start a new idea. 
“BETTER LATE THAN SORRY” don’t we agree? Yeah I do!

Here’s to new beginnings 🍾🍷 cheers

And HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY NIGERIA 🇳🇬🇳🇬

xoxo your favourite girl,
Diana M

image – Google 

WordPress-nivesary

Celebrate your small victories.

Celebrate every victory.
Give yourself a pat on the back.
Tell yourself you’ve done good.

I feel like referring to it as “small victories” minimizes what you’ve done. (But that’s by the way)

Let’s say you want to start a blog and you’ve given yourself a time frame and said time is nearing and you’ve gotten yourself a blog name and figured out the content to put out, that is big. Half of what you have to do to get started is done and it’s not small in my opinion, that’s a big step. Celebrate it, don’t beat yourself up that nothing has been done.

I’ll remind us that “ROME WAS NOT BUILT IN A DAY”. These things don’t just happen, they don’t just come into fruition. For anything to happen, to create anything you have to go through a process, series of steps have to be taken.
You may not be where you want to be, but you’re sure as hell not where you were yesterday.

I struggle this – being happy that I’ve accomplished something, anything. Daily I’m being reminded to give myself a pat on the back and I want to let you know as well.

Oh and I just realized today is my WordPress anniversary! Happy WordPress-nivesary to me!

xoxo your favourite girl,
Diana M

=quality 

“I have to put out a post.”

I’ve been repeating these words to myself for a week now. I’ve been saying this to myself a lot this year and most times there’s a “BUT” after those words. There is a saying that calls for ignoring all the words said before “but” as we were reminded by Jon Snow in S07E01 of Game of Thrones.

I was excited in the opening act/scene of this season’s GoT when I saw my beloved Arya living up to “a girl has no name”. I smiled with pride when Lady Lyanna Mormont (I have loved that little lady from the first time I saw her on my screen) gave the ultimate speech 👇 that made me text my friend 👇

Ahhhhh feminismmmmmmm
Shout it

image – buzzfeed

Sometime ago I commented on a blog post about my stance on feminism and I remember ending that comment with “I am not a feminist, I am all for human rights”. A couple of hours ago, Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche reminded me of why WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINISTS. This stood out to me in all that I read and I guess it’s mainly because my comment of that blog post keeps “haunting” me, more than a year now.

excerpt from We Should All Be Feminists

In a world where I’ve seen feminism watered down to the role of a female, the role of a woman in marriage, I just want to remind us today who a feminist. Also, that I agree with Chimamanda that WE SHOULD ALL BE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN THE SOCIAL, POLITICAL AND ECONOMIC EQUALITY OF THE SEXES because that’s who a feminist is.

image – Google

To end this, let it be known to us that Feminism is for everyone; Feminism is for all genders.

About putting out a post, thank you; Blessing shares for making me realize that – “a blog post could be just one quote and yes! A potent message is passed across to the great minds reading.”

RIME

Couple of years and more than 20 books after, I’m still not an ebook lover. This hasn’t stopped me from adding to my collection at any given time. I feel like at the back of my mind, I have this idea that the more I add, the more I’ll read. Right now I have 52 books on my shelf and I’ve read less than 20 *sigh*. Maybe I’m more a book collector than a reader, maybe.

There’s something about seeing growth in people you know. There’s this motivation it gives you. And seeing my friends be awesome in what they do makes me so happy.
That reminds me, happy birthday to my beautiful friend who is also a blogger – Damola. I love you so much and God bless you. You’re a beautiful person inside out.

To everyone who has graduated or is graduating this year, CONGRATULATIONS 👏👏🎉. I’m excited y’all do exceedingly well.
Special shout out to doctors in the house – Dr Ruth Diyan Ebe and Dr Owusu. Visit their blogs guys!

Who knew rhyming in poetry could be sort of tasking? Well maybe it’s not. I just find it unnecessary; so when I found a book, one of my mom’s oldies that would be teaching me the art of rhyming and poetry as a whole plus novels, I took it with gladness. And even better it came with exercises for me to do so yay.

Two words are said to RIME when they end with the same sound. Words ending with the same letters could rime but not always – close/lose.
Rime is the archaic way of spelling rhyme. And of course I prefer rime. I’ve also learnt a bit about poetry which I didn’t pay attention to and that’s great.

One of the exercises I was given was to write something with an ‘ABBA‘ scheme  and here’s what I wrote.

How’d I do? 😊 

I wanted to stop trying to rhyme because my sentences weren’t making sense and I wasn’t ready to write without making sense even if just to try. My friend suggested we tried writing together, a line at a time and we produced this 👇

I hope everyone is doing great and also pray for a fruitful week for y’all. I love you 💕❤. 

Mid-year review 

I’ve been pondering for sometime now why all people want to do is take and give nothing in return. I think that maybe a reason would justify their action and well… Maybe not.

photo credit – Uchechi

Half the year is gone and I will tell you honestly that so far 2017 has been good. I am excited about the next half. I’ve been thinking a lot about how this post will be, if I would review each month or just an overview and as you read on you’ll find out what I decided to go with.

Late last year I knew I was going back to continue something I started but dropped along the way and I had mixed feelings. The feelings were due to a number of reasons and I recently discovered that fear stood out of all the reasons I came up with. I am so happy that I read this post which I would recommend you read – DO IT AFRAID. Coming into 2017 I knew that would be my motto for the year. That’s now my life motto and here’s why.

2017 started with on a positive note but priorities changed. I tried to keep on with writing and blogging and sigh I really did try. I checked recently and realized that I can count my posts this year on both hands and I thought I would write a lot.
When you start a new phase, we tend to think we would have a lot to talk about but I was disappointed. Yes, a lot happened but it was the same thing – same routine, annoying timetable that doesn’t give time for other things, same faces and I wanted more, I needed to do something different.

From January to June, school happened and the only thing that wasn’t routine was running for election and winning.
I like routine, it works for me; that’s just the type of person I am. But sometimes a change would be great.

Everything that has happened has been God’s awesomeness. 

Today is the last day in June and tomorrow will be a new month. I hope you had an awesome half year and look forward to a better next half . Cheers🍾🍷

Let me leave you with this bible plan – 10 things to abandon for Spiritual Growth

Check in

Hey guys! Amazing audience, hope you’re all doing great and doing the things that scare you which will eventually turn out awesome. To everyone who checks out my posts and also comments, I want to say thank you. You’re truly such wonderful people who deserve nothing but the best and that’s what I pray for for you.

July is next month and I’m so excited for 2018 already 😂. Let me get you excited for 2017 mid-year review!! I’ll get to talk about what’s been happening since January and you too will comment yours. Is that good? Yes? Awesome!

I wish everyone on break a happy summer break. What are your plans for summer 2017? Keeping fit? Putting on weight? Working? Reading? Just let me know in the comment section.
I plan on reading books and writing reviews and maybe keep fit. I am starting a prayer journal thanks to my wonderful sister who got me something to write in, maybe journaling in general.

Today’s post is just to check in on how you’re doing and let you know I’m doing great.

Whatever you find yourself doing, do it with your all and be awesome while at it.

xoxo your favorite girl,
Diana M

Love and/or Commitment 

So I dislike walking on grass that has grown past the length it should, I always feel like there are things hiding in it which would crawl out and … anyway, it makes me uncomfortable walking on it. I had put off washing for this sole reason and one day I decided to just walk on it because my clothes had to be spread out to dry. It made me think about how we sometimes have to do things we aren’t comfortable with to achieve certain goals we have set. 

You know those conversations you have that make you want to go out and just start doing awesome things? I had one of those yesterday. We talked about many things and I learnt a few things as well which I would share with you soon but one thing struck me which I want to talk about today. Love and/or commitment 


Commitment
– the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc. Words like dedication, devotion, loyalty, etc can be used as synonyms.
Love
– a strong feeling of affection OR a great interest or pleasure in something.

I had never really thought about this so you can imagine my reaction on hearing “… so I admire that you’re committed to it … but do you love it?”. Quickly I started doing a mental check on things I “think” I love and wondered if I actually love doing them or felt some sort of commitment towards them.

Most people always talk about these two words only when it comes to relationships or marriage and yes that’s good but I say we should also think about it in other aspects of life.

Read somewhere that “love is a feeling…, Commitment, on the other hand, is a decision. Based on some combination of feelings and logic, we make a decision about our future plans.”

Yes love is a feeling but I also am of the opinion that love is a decision. Or maybe to put it more clearly,

love starts with a feeling and the continuity is a decision.

I love the biblical definition of love because it doesn’t take on love as a feeling but as a combination of attributes.

… but today is not for talking about what love is it isn’t. I just want to know from you

  • Can there be love without commitment?
  • Can there be commitment without love?
  • Should one separate love from commitment? 
  • Should we do anything out of love or out of commitment or with love and commitment?

For me, 

  • There is no love without commitment
  • There is commitment without love this comes in when it comes to a job or something of that nature.
  • They can be separated. Yes it happens but it shouldn’t. If you love someone or something then be ready to put your 100% or almost. 
  • Do everything with love and commitment because …

LOVE IS A COMMITMENT 

While writing I realized that this is actually a deep topic and we shall go into the depth another day. Today I just want to hear what y’all think.

Thank you for being patient with me. I’m just having difficulties these days not just to write but to write with meaning.

Still your favourite girl
Diana M