You have been awesome and this is just my usual way of saying thank you ❤️❤️. Short story by yours sincerely 😉. Feed your eyes people, read, enjoy (hopefully) and yes please drop your comments, they are always well appreciated. And remember, I love y’all so much, you really don’t know the half.
Normally I would wait to hear your voice calling my name so I could run down the flight of stairs into your embrace. There was such a thrill to that, the adrenaline rush in my veins meant the world.
This happened daily, 12 noon to be exact. I never understood why you would leave work “just to see my baby”, not minding the uncalled for traffic on your way back.
As I said, NORMALLY
12:30pm and still no sound of your voice. I remember pacing up and down the kitchen, into the sitting room, walking up and down the stairs all the while counting, waiting for you. I must have stopped counting at some point because Aunty Laila called me for lunch and only then did I realize that you hadn’t showed up.
5pm and you walked in, full of apology and bearing gifts which I accepted with an understanding that you had plenty to do that day. This continued every passing day and when I finally summoned courage to question you, you gave little explanation; sometimes scolded me for being such a child. The one time I thought a reasonable explanation was coming, “honey, I’ve been really occupied with work and I’ve also had to see the doctor about my health. You won’t understand now but you will with time.”
15 is not old enough; according to my mother, I still needed more time to grow in understanding.
I did not want to upset you with more questions that day so I nodded saying “okay ma”. You should have noticed my referring to her as ‘ma’ instead of the usual ‘mother’ but you didn’t and it made me sad.
12 noon exactly a week after I was told how young my understanding was, I heard my name and feeling reluctant I carried myself to say hello. “Won’t you give mother a hug? What’s wrong? Have you been crying? I’m sorry I’ve been away” the first real apology I heard since you started failing at your 12 noon date or so I thought because you’re my mother and you can’t possibly be lying.
“Hey Princess, look at me, I have to talk to you. Take a sit beside me or would you rather we talk over ice cream? You know what, since I’m here why don’t we just get to it”
In words that didn’t quite register, you told me you would be bringing home someone who I would grow to love. This person had been taking my 12 noon time slot, this person was so important that my mother had to take away our date completely and I knew then that this person was deserving of anything but love, my love.
I did not understand how one could be neglected because another person came into the picture. I left hints of being upset and acted out all to no avail.
It was then I realized that I was my own man, I was all by myself and the first time in five years I felt father’s absence.
I remember seeing her, my replacement. You called her Abigail, “she’s 10” you said “and we need each other.” That was the introduction.
Maybe if she were my cousin or friend in school, I could have joyfully accepted her but she came as my sister, you saw I wasn’t enough and found someone new.
I remember asking about the health situation with the doctor and you avoided that talk like a plague.
I wanted to understand a lot of things. Why I needed a little sister, why “we need each other”, why you started staying home more, a whole lot of things you left unexplained.
Maybe if you explained better, the first year with Abigail wouldn’t have been so difficult and my last year with you would have been pleasant, but you didn’t.
Now my therapist thinks writing you this letter will make sense, will help me “deal with a lot of things”. I really hope it does because my heart is tired of aching.
Five years after and this has somehow managed to have a hold of me, five years …