Do you see her? Yeah, I know she’s always cheerful but have you looked closely, have you listened in depth? If you have, you would see or maybe hear; the void in her eyes, her voice not conveying the shown emotion. If you were to look closely, you’d see her only physically present; her heart and mind have travelled quite a distance, you’d see her waiting for something to happen. She’s struggling with issues people refer to as “ordinary” and she’s been screaming long enough for help.
It wasn’t about masking the hurt, no. It was being happy for the most part of my life that when sadness came, I did not know how to handle it; it was being scared of my emotions, not wanting to emote too little or too much. When people see you too happy, they question why but don’t dwell on it much. When they see you sad, in pain or hurt, they focus all their attention on you. Maybe they don’t want to feel like they don’t care enough, maybe their conscience will prick them if they just walk away, I don’t know but they focus on you.
I’ve always hated being the center of attention, good or bad I hate it. Even more, I hated those words “are you sure you’re alright” or “you know you can talk to me about it”. If you sensed I wasn’t alright you should have asked before now, if you were so approachable, I wouldn’t have to be reminded that I could talk to you.
That’s all just ranting anyway. As I asked earlier ‘do you see her?’; if you don’t please do, she needs you more than you know.